Love Within Marriage --- A Biblical Perspective

Love Within Marriage --- A Biblical Perspective

Phil Benedict

Tahlequah, Oklahoma

United Indian Mission

Greeley, Colorado

1. Loving romantic sexual attraction. This is a normal God given attraction.

A. What God intended.

Deeply bonding together with your spouse. The Biblical principle is 1 + 1 = 1.

A source of satisfying uninhibited pleasure within marriage.

Reproduction with children being raised in a loving stable family environment.

B. What God did not intend.

Lust Gutter talk Shallow sexual experiences One night stands

Sex outside of marriage

Abuse (children or adults) A source of deep hurt and trouble

A source of many relapses into chemical dependency

2. Companionship, friendship, fellowship. Enjoying being together in a non-sexual atmosphere. Two way companionship. Give and receive friendship. Building each other up. Developing this kind of relationship will make your spouse feel that he/she has great value to you.

A. Regularly take time to do things together. Cheerfully do what your spouse likes to do

--- even if you don’t especially like the activity. This can be very simple things like going on a walk together or going shopping together.

B. Communicate.

1. Listen to your spouse. Ask for his/her opinion and feelings and listen carefully. Communication may be ninety percent listening.

2. Express your thoughts and feelings. Learn to express yourself without anger or always insisting that you are always right.

C. Encourage each other. Life is often hard. All of us need regular encouragement. Help your spouse through the down times. Learn to build him/her up, not tear him/her down. Never criticize him/her in front of other people; instead give him/her compliments.

D. Non-sexual romance. Husbands treat your wife so she will feel special. Appreciate and encourage her femininity just because she is a lady.

E. Get to know your spouse as an individual. Every human is different. There is no one else just like him/her. Learn to love and appreciate him/her for who he/she is.

F. Men, be a spiritual leader. Read the Bible and pray together. Get involved in church together. All of us have a desire to know God, and most wives will deeply appreciate and respect you for being a spiritual leader.

3. Giving. Give yourself, your time, your energy, your resources to your spouse without demanding or expecting something back. This choice to give is a mental choice. It is not based on feeling or emotion, although these may certainly be present. (To love God is to obey Him, not to feel all emotional about Him.)

This is a one way unconditional love that is not based on the worthiness of the recipient.

This kind of love will cost something --- time or energy or emotion or finances or ???

The ultimate example is God giving his Son, Jesus Christ, to die to pay our penalty of sin.

When marriage partners learn to love each other in this manner, it may cement a marriage together for life, and helps to make it all that a marriage can be. In a marriage where all romantic attraction and companionship is gone and the only thing left is your commitment to love your mate, it may be that this love will gradually restore the marriage to all that it is supposed to be.

From the Bible: 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Characteristics of Love I Corinthians 13: 4-8

Love is patient, it is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil, rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts (in God), always hopes, always perseveres.

Some of the finest marriage counseling in all the world comes from 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. (in the Bible) It could make a huge difference in a marriage if a husband and wife would:

A. Sit down together and read this passage several times.

B. Openly and honestly discuss these verses.

C. As you read and discuss, keep your anger under control and don’t start accusing or condemning your spouse.

D. Ask your spouse where you need to make changes.

E. In a loving way without making accusations, suggest areas where your spouse needs to change.

F. Pick out one or two things and begin to work on them. Don’t try to make too many changes at once.

G. When genuine efforts to change are being made, be patient with each other. Healing takes time.

Restoring a Marriage

How does one go about restoring a marriage when there has been so much hurt and pain that there is little or no love left and there is little or no trust or respect left? Any promises you make may be rejected because your spouse has heard it all many times before. Restoring a marriage is not easy, but carefully consider the following:

1. Efforts to change must be sincere, genuine, and lasting. Most spouses will forgive if they see genuine changes being made.

2. Be patient. You cannot expect your spouse to immediately accept you back or to believe you. It will take time to demonstrate your genuineness and your sincerity.

September, 2003